This is me, writing a blog, and other such nonsense.
Before I start to ramble, (too late!), I should probably tell you that I don’t have the internet in my flat and I don’t own a laptop that works*. Therefore if you are expecting to be able to read this with your weekly Friday Starbucks (other brands are available) then I would probably go and subscribe to something that is likely to happen a little more regularly – may I suggest my fabulous friend Sarah’s blog thehappymancdays http://thehappymancdays.wordpress.com/ Now there is real writing!
Due to the aforementioned technology issues this blog, unfortunately, is likely to occur about as often as Halley’s Comet but I promise I will try and make it just as spectacular. I can’t guarantee Professor Brian Cox will do a documentary about it but here’s hoping (hi Bri).
Now I have successfully lowered your expectations I feel I can properly introduce myself.
I’m 28 and live in Manchester.
I like red wine and blue cheese and I was once in the world’s largest conga on ice.
This is probably news to most of you unless you are my friend or you have found me on Tinder. If you have seen me on Tinder and are one of those weird people who have a profile picture with a baby or in the toilet (??) or, god forbid, naked, then shame on you! Otherwise – Hi.
The conga on ice thing is real although it was in the early 90s and no one thought to add it to the internet so I have no actual proof. I did, however, meet John Leslie and Anthea Turner and no one can take that away from me.
The cheese and wine thing is also true. Just last night I was at a wine tasting at a very posh, exclusive gentleman’s club in Manchester. I have to clarify – when I say gentleman’s club I don’t mean the velour sofa, purple lighted, sticky floor, lap/pole dancing kind. I mean the leather bound books, wood-panelled walls, still not quite on board with suffrage, gentleman’s club of ye olden days. I was actually surprised they let us in in all honesty as we were missing the one vital organ that I think permits you entry into such establishments. As it turns out, bar some mild misogyny, we had a lovely time drinking lovely wine so all’s well that ends well.
I know you are probably thinking I should get to the point but therein lies the problem.
When I was thinking of starting a blog I read other peoples’. Bad idea. It made it all the clearer to me that other people seem to know exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it. I, on the other hand, struggle even to decide what sandwich to have at lunch and can often be seen stuck in the no-man’s land between Pret-A-Manger and Eat. I wander back and forth between the two like a real life foosball man before it all gets too much and I go back inside. I genuinely worry that my inability to make decisions will lead to me living on the outskirts of society surrounded by cats and birds because I can’t decide whether to be a cat woman or a bird lady.
As you can probably tell I haven’t quite worked out what my purpose is life is going to be yet. I have a great job which I do really enjoy and fabulous friends and family yet I still can’t decide what kind of person I am.
I’ve tried being crafty but if the sad excuse for a crocheted blanket is anything to go by that really hasn’t worked. I love to bake but can’t bring myself to buy ingredients that cost more than if I just bought the whole cake already made. My housemate is far too sporty for me to compete with. She recently did a half iron man – you know “just ‘coz”.
I have therefore found myself occupying the role of “funny drunk one”. Whilst she would definitely have been my favourite Spice Girl, I’m not sure I can count knowing the words to Mr Bombastic and dancing like Tina Turner as hobbies worthy of writing about.
And this is how I have stumbled on the point of all of this.
Turns out there isn’t one.
I’m just going to write and you can just read. If you like it – thanks please feel free to share. If you don’t, whatever *does cool sign from Clueless*. We can both just get on with our lives and no one is the worse for it.
As Sarah (of happymancdays fame) said when encouraging me to write this, my very first blog, “go on, write it, don’t worry, nobody will read it anyway.”
I can’t decide whether I want her to be right or not but for the moment here is a link to some facts about Halley’s Comet to keep the dream alive. http://www.space.com/19878-halleys-comet.html
See you soon
*donations for laptops and/or internet connection gratefully received