How I Met Your Father – Episode 1

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Chapter 1.

It was 31st October 2014, 7 years before you were born and 11 years before North West went into rehab for the first time. I had had a particularly dull week at work and was looking forward to the Halloween party your Auntie Tess was throwing at her new flat.

Tarquin, will you please put your hologram down, I’m trying to tell you a story.  

Life in 2014 was very different from what it is now. For a start Katie Price was only 83% Teflon and Kris Jenner was still your average momager not the leader of North Korea (or North Kardashian-Korea as it is now known).

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You had me at Lipo

I told you at the start of all this blog malarkey that I didn’t want to be Bridget Jones. This is still true.

Nobody WANTS to be Bridget Jones.

I also don’t WANT to be a “smidge” overweight, have incredibly poor eyesight and Richmond Sausages for fingers but whaddayagonnado?

When I look in the mirror, where once there stood a pimply teenager full of hopes and dreams, now there stares back a woman-child that looks a little deader behind the eyes and squishier round the waist.  Still pimply though so I’ve not totally changed.  *air high-5!*

According to recent papers the only single woman over the age of 27 who doesn’t look just a teensy bit like Bridget Jones is Renee Zellweger.  Oh the irony!

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No Mum, I am not gay (and other things that happened this week)

Hi there

How’ve you been?

I’m not too bad thank you – yes I have lost a little weight how nice of you to notice! (I haven’t but you can’t see me so I can pretend)

I went to Blackpool again this week for Katie’s 30th!  Had a wonderful time. Did my Tina Turner dance.  Seriously, it is starting to be a real problem.  Other than that same old same old.

I know this goes against every blogging rule in the book but it is safe to say that not much has happened this week aside from the above.  I won’t be offended if you switch off here, maybe make yourself a brew, have a gander at Netflix.  I promise I won’t get mad.

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Don’t say I didn’t warn you

Right, now we’ve got rid of those hangers on, we can have a proper chat.

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12 Most Irritating Things To Say To A Single Person

This is the full article I wrote for http://www.12Most.com. Original Article here

Republished with permission, courtesy of 12 Most. I’ve added the pictures.

Also – I Googled “Famous Single People” and it came back with Jesus, Oprah and Gwyneth.

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not. impressed. c/o http://www.theguardian.com

It’s official: there are more single people than ever before, 124.6 million single Americans in August 2014. This is more than half of the adult population. The figures are similar here in the UK.

In spite of this, there are still a few of you happy couples who have yet to grasp the idea that we singletons are not a different species. The Takens, as I like to call them, often upset, embarrass or are just downright rude to us Singles simply because we have not yet found The One.

What they fail to realize is that we have found him or her but have then discovered that they are also The One With The Body Odor, The One with the Wife, or worse, The One With The Venereal Disease. Continue reading

Nathan Fillion’s Twitter is ruining my life

I got retweeted by Nathan Fillion!

I couldn’t believe it at first but 18 hours and 1100 notifications later I’m starting to regret it.

 

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Technically I suppose it is my fault for tweeting him in the first place.  It was ages ago and, although I can’t be 100% sure, there is a good chance that I wasn’t sober at the time.

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Don’t Call Me Bridget

Hi there!

The lovely people at www.12most.com have decided to print my little article.

Head on over and have a look! http://12most.com/2014/10/07/12-irritating-single-person/

I’ll reblog in full here in a few days.

General gist is – Don’t Call Me Bridget Jones!!

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Ok this is me I know it. You know it. let’s just not talk about it.

(Oh and the picture is 2 years old but I haven’t been able to take a decent one since.)

Enjoy! Soph x