It’s like 10,000 views when all you need is a knife…

It’s like meeting the man of my dreams, and then realising I am actually still asleep, I am late for work, and Colonel Sanders died in 1980.

Bloody Hell! 10,000 views!

In keeping with previous viewing milestones, this is equivalent to the number of glasses of wine I drank on Saturday x 10. (I wish I was kidding!)

I bet you thought I’d have given up by now, but sadly I am continuing to write this god forsaken blog until someone pays me not to. Thanks for reading – love you all.

Laterz

Soph x

 

 

If I Could Turn Back Time…

This is a post I wrote as a submission for a book called People I want To Punch In the Throat.  It didn’t quite make the cut.  In hindsight this was probably because the brief asked for advice letters to your children as they leave home and, as we already know, the closest thing I have to a child is my Apple Mac, and I’ve just moved back home.

I should not be giving advice to anyone. Ever.

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I never used it in the first place!

 

This is a letter I wrote to my 18 year old self giving myself advice about uni and what life had in store.  It’s definitely is as narcissistic as it sounds but you can cope.

Anyway, seen as it isn’t going to make it to something people actually buy, I figured I’d unleash it on you lovely folk for free.  No need to thank me.  Your tears of despair are enough.

Also if you went to school or uni with me you may be in this.

Sorry.

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“That Cheese is Too Strong For A Lady”

I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman. But I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.

“I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman. But I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.” (Queenie, Blackadder II)

We meet again Dear Reader!

Frankly I’m surprised you haven’t unfollowed, defriended or indeed defenestrated me yet (google it) after all the begging for votes I’ve been doing recently.

I am super sorry about that but I have become quite desperate (no jokes please).  You see, I would very much like to win something in 2015, I think it may be my year.  Well that and my Slimmer of the Year 2014 campaign isn’t going according to plan.

*reaches for donut*

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If you vote for me I will buy you cake

Please vote for Sophie, She Wrote in the UK Blog Awards 2015.

Vote here  (Most Innovative)

Vote here (Lifestyle)

Dear Reader, It seems like we’ve been together for forever I know.  In reality it has been just over 5 months.  To make you feel better that is more than twice the length of the average celebrity marriage and the longest relationship I’ve had since Cadbury’s brought out the yard of Dairy Milk a few years ago.

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Who am I kidding, of course I ate it all in one go!

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Sophie She Vote!

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Evening Dear Reader,

I need your help on Monday.  I’ll get to why in a minute, but first I need to explain something for legal reasons.

In case you haven’t noticed, I have become obsessed with autobiographies of funny women (see header to blog for further info).  Whilst I attempted my own memoir last week, this week, to my dismay, I discovered that Jennifer Saunders has already written my life story.

In the first two chapters of her bestselling book Bonkers, not only does she mention that she used to mime the flute in the orchestra, but she also says she wants to be an archaeologist, AND she’s from Cheshire.  This is my life! Continue reading