I am genuinely impressed with myself that I am dressed as I am writing this (sorry boys). Not only that but it is also mid-afternoon and I am 100% sober AND I have not had any chocolate today. I am sat eating a chunk of Christmas ham but in my defence, I cooked it and it is delicious!
Cooked like Nigella only without the heaving bosom and inappropriate licking of spoons.
In case you have been wondering where I have been hiding for the past week or so, I have managed to divide my time equally between the pub, the fridge and my bed so if you haven’t been in any of those places then chances are we have not crossed Christmassy paths.
Believe me – if someone had been in my fridge you guys would be the first to know!
(no Im not singing Cristina Aguilera, just being polite mkay but if you just sang that to yourself – well done!!)
Taking this opportunity to send extremely warm Christmas wishes to you and everyone you hold dear.
Look to the person at your left and squeeze them….ow! goddam it why do I always get left with the weirdo?
Jokes (and restraining orders) aside, it’s the Christmas season and I, for one am very lucky that I have just a big bunch of lunatics to call my friends. I know it sounds harsh but seriously, these guys are idiots. When I say I’m the sane one you know you need to be worried.
I am aware that I am very lucky in the friend and family department – (the bedding dept not so much) ba dum dum chhh!
To everyone that I’ve met this year, and those Ive known for far too long, I wish you as much love as Mariah Carey wishes she could still squidge herself into that santa outfit.
If a dog could speak
Get over it M.
Anywhoo – I’m not great at the advice for no other reason than I’ve been single for 5 years and I live with my parents, but if you have that one person you need to hi 5 right now then let them know. If they are anything like my friends they have no idea what your talking about and will make you leave.
Merry Christmas and (as my friend Kim said when we were very drunk)
God Bless Us Every One!! xx
If you haven’t seen this film we will never be friends
Lots of Love
Because the star is in the Yeast!!
(ba dum dum chhhh!)
Whilst you are busy sewing your sides together after that hysterical joke – I am thrilled to announce that it has been listed in the top ten of the best (or worst) Christmas cracker jokes of 2014 by UKTV Gold! Continue reading
Thank you for all your patience with me yelling at you about the UK Blog Awards. You’ll be pleased to know that voting has now closed so I cant harass you about it any more. Feel free to put away your stress balls and voodoo dolls in my image, I will be nice from now on I promise!
I did something very stupid today. At work we use statistics a lot to calculate people’s life expectancy. In a moment of sheer madness I decided to put in my own date of birth and see how long I have left to live.
If you ever feel tempted to do this, trust me. Don’t!
I’ve been very nice about this so far and if you have voted already I am eternally grateful! If you haven’t – today is the last day to vote for Sophie, She Wrote in UK Blog Awards. I will love you forever if you do. I will hold a grudge against you forever if you don’t.
They have had nearly 40,000 votes for 2000 entries. There is no way I can compete with that – but I am damn well going to try!
Please vote for my blog here
Please accept my most sincere and humble apologies for the lateness of this post. Yes, I know I should have done it on Friday and I’m sorry that the anticlimax ruined your weekend. I will strive from this point onwards to rebuild your faith in me and know that I am deeply sorry for the pain I have caused you.
Okay – let’s move on.