I am genuinely impressed with myself that I am dressed as I am writing this (sorry boys). Not only that but it is also mid-afternoon and I am 100% sober AND I have not had any chocolate today. I am sat eating a chunk of Christmas ham but in my defence, I cooked it and it is delicious!
In case you have been wondering where I have been hiding for the past week or so, I have managed to divide my time equally between the pub, the fridge and my bed so if you haven’t been in any of those places then chances are we have not crossed Christmassy paths.
Believe me – if someone had been in my fridge you guys would be the first to know!
So far it’s been delightful. I have been well and truly spoilt by
Mr and Mrs Fox Father Christmas. I got more fabulous pressies than I know what to do with. Sure, my clothes are a little tighter and my liver a little yellower but what else is a single girl to do over the festive period that doesn’t involve alcohol, food or both?
Answer: Sit at home eating Twiglets watching re-runs of Absolutely Fabulous on your own and wait for the man of your dreams to walk in.
I hope you are having a splendid festive season too, Dear Reader. Whether it be celebrating Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Monkey Day or simply the fact that you are allowed a break from the people you work with (hi team!).
One of the most enjoyable things about Christmas is that all my friends who have the finances and general good sense not to live with their parents come back. Take my friend Sarah, for example. Sarah is my sister’s best friend. I have known her my whole life and I don’t get to see her as much as I should. It is probably for the best as when we went out the other night I bought 10 shots of tequila (not all for me) and she bought a cocktail that came in a treasure chest. When I went to pay for a coffee earlier today I discovered I had blocked my card. That surely is a sign that you’ve had a good night.
In addition to Sarah, my amazing buddy Anna is back from Dubai (awooo) with her one winter jumper because “It’s just so sunny all the time”. I’d hate her if I wasn’t so glad she was home.
28 of us went out for Christmas dinner last week which was marvellous. I’d share some pictures but I’m afraid they’ll kill me as it all got slightly out of hand. Then, on Christmas Eve, we went round to Steph and Cam’s for mulled wine and blinis. I am extremely lucky to have such good friends although I wish they were a bit less attractive as I look like an idiot in the back of this photo!
For the record I will not be doing Dry January this year. Mainly because the last time I gave up alcohol for 31 days it didn’t work out very well. I’ll spare you the details but safe to say the 1st February ended in a fine from a taxi driver, a sore head, and an uncharacteristically early night.
Now that we are in the middle of the festive season thoughts inevitably turn towards New Year’s Eve. I am heading to Liverpool with friends Hayley, Dominie and Jade. It should be a great night and Hayley is a fab cook. Her Christmas ham was tastier than mine and you have no idea how painful that is for me to admit. You’re more likely to get Kanye West to admit to being a bit of an arse than me to accept defeat in a festive bake-off.
When you think about New Year you can’t escape the inevitable New Year’s Resolution. I know everyone must write about this so sorry for being predictable but screw it – I’ll be more inventive next year I promise.
I have come up with a list of resolutions on the basis that if I pick more than one I will increase my chances of success; and by success I mean it lasting longer than the piddling excuse of a selection box I got this year. Get it together Cadburys!
*begrudgingly eats fudge bar*
My resolutions are thus:
- Must lose weight – she says, shovelling ham into my mouth like it is going out of fashion.
- Must not drink alcohol in the week (not likely to last but worth a shot… shot! shot! shot!)
- Will get to work earlier and be more productive
- Write more. Also write better. Stop using the word “also” at the start of sentences.
- Stop watching Castle on repeat. I don’t know why but I bloody love that show.
- Stop rapping in public, or in private, just stop rapping.
- Get over Tina Turner – NEVER!!
- Don’t panic about turning 30.
- Wear sunscreen.
I could go on but in the end it would be a list of everything I have already done. Not all of it I regret. This blog, for one, is the single best idea I have had this year. Well, this and the time I decided to order a burger that also came with a chicken breast on it. That was an excellent decision (see #1 in the above list).
Recent events have proved that you cannot predict what is about to happen in the next minute, never mind the next year so I am not even going to try. Hopefully this time in 2015 I will be writing about what an amazing year I had, that everyone I love is still happy and healthy, and how I can’t believe I stuck to at least 2 of the above resolutions.
No doubt you’ll find me wrinkled and tipsy on a Tuesday in a size 20 Tina Turner outfit, on the 3rd verse of Here Comes The Hotstepper, watching the pilot of Castle for the 1000th time.
That sounds more like it.
If you happen to be going to Camp and Furnace on NYE and see a girl dancing like a maniac with a sandwich in one hand and a shot of tequila in the other, I swear that’s not me. Unless you happen to think
I she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in which case feel free to come and say hi (and maybe get your eyesight checked)!
To make you feel festive here’s Sarah Jessica Parker in a horrendous brown wig running around NYC in pjs. I would do this for any one of my friends, you know who you are, but I warn you I will be wearing my new M&S onesie and bobble hat so will be 97% sexier than poor ol’ SJP in her designer outfit.
Thank you for all the kind things you have said about my blog, it means a whole heap to know that you enjoy reading my, frankly quite useless, ramblings. I hope you all have a truly fantastic New Year!