Evening! Sorry I apologise for my freshness. I’ve not been in work today.
Oy! stop pelting fruit at me, its not my fault!
No, my Sibling who I personally think is the best Sibling ever, bought me tickets to see The Lion King at the Palace last night. I had the foresight to book the day off.
Thanks! I know I’m a genius.
Hang on – MENSA is on the phone.
“hmmm…yeah…oh, I see….sorry….”
Ok, I’m not a “genius” but screw it Im not the one who has been in work today – you are!
Last time we spoke I told you I had a 30th birthday. Well, that went well.
I feel I need to use this weird platform I have to defend myself. Ok, its not so much a platform as a used carton of vimto but screw you.
Basically last week, I had an wonderful time celebrating my friend Jonnny’s 30th birthday. Along the way I feel I may have upset some people, mainly because I don’t think I stopped talking for 24 hours. I also made some questionable music choices.
Saying that as I am typing this I’m listening to Seal ” Never gonna survive”. TUUUUUNNNEEEE!!
I feel I need to tell you Dear Reader, that I am fully aware how annoying I am. If I was trapped in a room with me I…well I would never let that happen.
I’m an idiot. I chat too much, I have an unfortunate/brilliant taste in music depending on how you feel about the Outhere Brothers, and I can get very over excited, particularly at large gatherings with people I don’t know very well.
I may have taken this a tad too far in that my dentist today, who I adore btw, told me that the reason my jaw clicks is probably either because I’m tired and stressed (see I told you he was lovely) or, I probably open my mouth a bit too much.
I’m not sure which one it is.
Anyway in order to combat both things I have today been fitted for a mouth guard. Fellas I’m not sure you will be able to control yourselves around me quite as well as you all seem to be able to at the moment. I only have to wear it at night, which is good as no one ever sees me then. Ever.
You know when they say someone is a triple threat, I used to think that was because they could act, sing and dance. Now I think it is because they have a high BMI, weird feet, and a mouthguard.
Well this girl is now a triple threat! Just me and Beyonce.
You would think that my overwhelming success at the 30th last weekend would put me off but tonight I am heading to Leeds for my fabulous friend Sarah’s birthday. She is so grown up.
I plan to be in my onesie within 7 seconds of being on the front door. But that is just me.
Onesie. Mouth guard. See I told you you wouldn’t be able to resist!
The festivities continue tomorrow when we will be going for an uplifting stroll amongst the Yorkshire Dales before applying a tube full of fake tan and painting the town red.
I’m not holding out too much hope that I will meet the man of my dreams this weekend but I am very excited about the pulled pork Sarah has prepared in her very own smoker and I think that meat is a safer bet than men any day of the week. Especially Sarah’s meat. She actually buys all her food from a farm. Before I lived with my mum and dad and I was living in the flat most of my food was out of the bin!
This post is a bit shorter than normal as I am supposed to be picking Becky up in 20 minutes and I am nowhere near ready.
Becky, if you are reading this. I promise I have left. Somehow I got trapped in You Tube and ended up spending most of my day watching videos of cats falling down.
My day was brightened up by a lovely lunch with the Best Baby in the West and his mum Lauren.
When I said before that I thought I was an idiot – it is actually true. I managed to buy the best and also the worst thing that was ever invented. It is a baby grow that also doubles as a mop. It’s a Baby Mop!
If that doesn’t make me his third favourite person in the world I don’t know what will. No doubt he will grow up to resent me and I can then humiliate him in front of his friends on his 18th birthday! mwahahaha!
Right now I really have to go. I have less than 15 minutes.
Becky – sorry I am late.
Sarah – save me some pork.
Harry – I promise not to always be this annoying. I hope you all have a splendid weekend.
If you are feeling a bit blue, glum and depressed, just think of me in my mouth guard and remember that no matter how bad life gets – it could always be worse!
Speak Soon (unless I get my jaw wired shut)