Hola Queridio! Apologies to all my Spanish fans (?) for my poor grasp of your beautiful language but no hablo español. Once again, as happens about every 6-8 weeks, I must apologise for the lack of posts recently. In fact it has been two weeks since I last updated you on the car crash that is my life. I have no excuse why I didn’t post on 27th March. I think I was feeling a bit uninspired. I had managed to achieve the incredible feat of blocking myself out of my debit card AND then blocking myself out of the unblocking debit card facility at the cash machine. I also bought a book called How To Get A Grip – if that is any indication of how I was feeling. (A must read btw)
The excuse for why I didn’t write last Friday and the reason for the more continental vibe to this post is that I have just come back from 5 days in Teneriffe. In what was an inspired and yet very last minute decision my pal Hayley and I decided that we needed a break and booked 4 nights/5 days at Hotel Mencey, Santa Cruz, Teneriffe. 5 stars. No children. Free upgrade. Yes please! Now in case you haven’t been paying attention I take this opportunity to remind you that on 27th March I blocked my own debit card. I flew to Tenerriffe at 7am on 30th March. Not ideal. On the plus side I have barely made a dent in my wages this month but on the other hand I owe money to pretty much everyone I have come into contact with in the last 10 days. Thank you all. I went to the bank yesterday to try and sort the whole shizz out and, the clerk looked at me in a way that ensured I will never get accepted for a mortgage ever. She has a point.
Now I don’t want to be one of those people who drones on and on and on about how amazing their holiday was, but it was pretty fantastic. Hotel was fabulous and I would definitely recommend staying there. I don’t have any pictures as there aren’t enough Instagram filters in the world that would get me in a bikini on Facebook so you’ll just have to use your imagination.
Only downside to the holiday was that on one day it was cloudy and I didn’t really think it through before I remembered I have the milky white skin of a second generation Irish immigrant and managed to get burnt. A lot. Other minor issue was that we got robbed! I wish I was joking. Essentially after having one rather sensible night eating lovely food and drinking lovely wine we decided that we needed to have one night out on the town. Being me this naturally ended up in karaoke. Mierda Hayley speaks very good Spanish particularly after a glass of wine and between her and Google translate we managed to have a lovely night out talking to nice people. And no, this was not in a romantic way before you ask – although quite how the men of Santa Cruz could control themselves when I started singing is beyond me! Cut to the following morning we wake up in a haze, resulting from a lethal concoction of too much vino blanco and sun stroke, (plus I’d put my back out Tina Turner dancing). We spent most of the day in our deluxe room (smug face) trying to stream Going Clear – the film about Scientology – and cursing the fact that we can no longer drink like we used to. Eventually we decided two things:
- Tom Cruise may have taken the whole Scientology thing a bit too far (see here); and
- We needed to get out of the room.
We sorted ourselves out and went to go downstairs when I looked in my purse. All the money I had taken out with me that night was gone. We had a joint kitty between the two of us, it is expensive to drink, and we still had plenty of money left so it wasn’t a huge deal but still…¿dónde están mis euros?
We resolved to be much more sensible going forward and went out for a nice dinner. After we finished eating we were shocked to see one of the Spanish guys from the night before walking over to our table. To this day I have no idea how he found us. The conversation went something like this – Us: Oh my god hi! What are you doing here? Jose – yes his actual name: I.. um… berry sorry. My friend…took…your maney. I brin it back. Us: Turns out we hadn’t drunk all our money at all and the lovely Jose had found out that one of his friends had gone into my purse at the bar and taken 80 euros!! Rude. Jose, being The Nicest Guy in Tenerife, couldn’t live with himself after he found out and had taken 80 euros of his own money and left it for us at the hotel by way of an apology. Overlooking the initial crime and the fact that leaving an envelope of money at reception was a bit too Pretty Woman for my liking, how nice was that of Jose! Sure it would have been better not to steal from us in the first place but thank you for bringing it back. I’m aware this is a longer post than normal so I’ll just give you a quick update on the rest Lent is over so I am now back on cheese and bread. YES! I need to go back to the ice. I have about 10 weeks to transform myself from a lump of lard with the stamina and agility of a hippo into a lump of lard with the stamina and agility of a slightly thinner hippo wearing a spandex dress. I rejoined Tinder. Gentlemen – brace yourselves It’s the Blog Awards next Friday! Thank you again for voting. Sorry for putting so much pressure on you – I love you really. The chances of me winning really are slim to none. I am up against extreme couponers, parents with incredible children, and actual published journalists. I am, however, looking forward to seeing my friend Danielle who I haven’t seen in far too long. If all else fails it should be a good night.
Before I go and explain the holiday story to my parents who will no doubt accuse me of being irresponsible, just a little word to you Dear Reader. I know I’ve gone a bit soppy lately but I am honestly chuffed you read my bit of the internet. I have had lots of people, some strangers and some I haven’t spoken to in years that have messaged me lovely things about SSW. I hit 15,000 views last week. You lot are lovely. Special shout outs this week to Marianne, Sinead, Nyssa, Andy and Neil. The rest of you need to up your game. Hasta Luego! Soph x