From Paris to Wythenshawe with Love

Bonsoir mes Chers Lecteurs! Ca va?

Okay – that is the extent of my written French.  I am a fluent speaker, and by fluent I mean some brie and a bottle of vin rouge and I think I am Coco Chanel when I probably sound like the policeman from Allo Allo: Continue reading

SuperkalifrejalisticexpialiCERVIX

Hi there you

Yes its been blimmin ages since we last spoke. Loads of things have happened: I turned 30, my best friends got engaged (choir included), and I had half my cervix scoped out in Wythenshawe.

10d24685d8bebe250e7ecb11d232e3b8.500x281x12

Yeah,  I snook that in on purpose.

Continue reading

Kendal Called – John Fox Answered

Hi there stranger!

Yes I’m starting another post with another apology but sod it , we both know you’re going to carry on reading so let’s just bypass the fact I haven’t written anything since June and move on with our lives.

Done?

Okay.

funny-how-you-doin-hippo-joey-friends-pics

 

I can’t decide if that hippo is cute or pervy but either way, I hope you are well.

Continue reading

Fat Fighters and Fillies

Afternoon all!

Now I know it is uncharacteristically sunny for the UK at the moment so I will forgive you if you cant be bothered reading this or you are too distracted by the stench of human sweat on public transport that you will tell me you read it but haven’t.  It’s fine. It’s very hot.

Standard public transport this week.

Standard public transport this week.

I know you probably don’t care but I am now a fully committed member of Weight Watchers.

Continue reading

It’s Friday – Make Good Choices People!

PP

Well helloo there Dear Reader!

It has been somewhat of a while (again) since we last spoke.  How’ve you been?

Ooh sounds painful.

Me? How nice of you to ask. I’ve been pretty good actually (aside from the obvious insanity of writing an imaginary conversation – see above) Continue reading

For Auld Lang Syne!

Wow!

I am genuinely impressed with myself that I am dressed as I am writing this (sorry boys).  Not only that but it is also mid-afternoon and I am 100% sober AND I have not had any chocolate today.  I am sat eating a chunk of Christmas ham but in my defence, I cooked it and it is delicious!

Cooked like Nigella only without the heaving bosom and inappropriate licking of spoons

Cooked like Nigella only without the heaving bosom and inappropriate licking of spoons.

In case you have been wondering where I have been hiding for the past week or so, I have managed to divide my time equally between the pub, the fridge and my bed so if you haven’t been in any of those places then chances are we have not crossed Christmassy paths.

Believe me – if someone had been in my fridge you guys would be the first to know!

Continue reading