I am too cool.
Hello Dear Reader,
I’m glad you have managed to overcome all the eclipse related excitement to stop by Sophie, She Wrote.
Today is an anniversary of sorts. This time last year I sat down to watch Murder She Wrote and realised I had already seen it.
That kind of thing shouldn’t happen when you are 28 and it made me have a quiet word with myself. I decided there and then that I needed to be doing something more productive with my life and I immediately marched outside shouted “Hello World!” and began to pursue my dreams. Continue reading
Hey there Dear Reader!
Something pretty great has happened to me this week and, just in case you were too distracted by Madonna taking a tumble, I will repeat it for you now.
I am officially a guest blogger for Time Out Manchester!!
I’ll give you a second to let this sink in. Continue reading
Definition of Clocking from urbandictionary.com:
“A highly effective means of pointing out hot members of the opposite sex to your associates (usually in public) without drawing undue attention to oneself…”
E.g. “Dude 11 o’clock, totally hot babe checking you out!”
Hi there Dear Reader!
I have to explain that I am writing this at 23:37 on Thursday night. I was just about to go to sleep in my extremely comfy and not at all sexy onesie when my friend Lauren sent me a Facebook link to a new app called Clocked.
Disclaimer – the following opinion on the Clocked app is supposed to be entertaining yet honest. This in no way should be taken as an endorsement or otherwise of the app or its users. If it works I will thank them at my wedding. If it doesn’t I will simply stay living with my parents for ever and ever and ever and ever…
Hope you had a truly splendid week. I hate to be one of those people but hasn’t January just flown by!
FYI, as well as people who state the obvious, the list of people I don’t like also includes noisy eaters, sniffers (dear Lord please blow your nose), and thin people. Not for any other reason than the fact that they are thin. Thin people who also eat hamburgers and moan about how they can’t put on wait – you guys are the worst! Continue reading
INT. A SITTING ROOM, TWO CHILDREN ARE SAT ON THE SOFA LOOKING INCREDIBLY BORED AND RUEING THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. (Much like you are right about now)
I will not continue this in script format mainly because I don’t know how to. I am, however, attending a script writing course tomorrow so you have that to look forward to next week.
All you need to know is that this is a continuation of Episode 1. I have been reading a lot of autobiographies recently (see pictures – links here). They all start with the same few chapters where the comedian/author/Nobel Peace Prize winner is living in some kind of loft struggling to make ends meet. No matter how tough the journey, the reader is safe in the knowledge that it all ends well and the person does achieve something otherwise they wouldn’t have written the book in the first place.
With the confidence and stupidity possessed only by myself and Katie Price, I have decided to write my autobiography before I actually achieve anything in the desperate hope that by the time I write the ending something fabulous will have happened. I only hope it doesn’t involve Celebrity Big Brother, plastic surgery or a bright pink horse trailer but you never know.
Because the star is in the Yeast!!
(ba dum dum chhhh!)
Whilst you are busy sewing your sides together after that hysterical joke – I am thrilled to announce that it has been listed in the top ten of the best (or worst) Christmas cracker jokes of 2014 by UKTV Gold! Continue reading
I’ve been very nice about this so far and if you have voted already I am eternally grateful! If you haven’t – today is the last day to vote for Sophie, She Wrote in UK Blog Awards. I will love you forever if you do. I will hold a grudge against you forever if you don’t.
They have had nearly 40,000 votes for 2000 entries. There is no way I can compete with that – but I am damn well going to try!
Please vote for my blog here
It was 31st October 2014, 7 years before you were born and 11 years before North West went into rehab for the first time. I had had a particularly dull week at work and was looking forward to the Halloween party your Auntie Tess was throwing at her new flat.
Tarquin, will you please put your hologram down, I’m trying to tell you a story.
Life in 2014 was very different from what it is now. For a start Katie Price was only 83% Teflon and Kris Jenner was still your average momager not the leader of North Korea (or North Kardashian-Korea as it is now known).