Hi there Dear Reader,
How’s it going?
mm hmm, really? wow! Thanks for the update.
If you can’t already tell by the previous sentence I may have gone a little mad.
Turns out I am not very good at multitasking, which is not ideal when I am combining a pretty stressful day job, ice-skating training (yes this is still happening), writing this little bubble of joy AND now writing for Time Out. You’d think I’d be so busy I wouldn’t have time to eat but somehow I have managed to maintain my cuddly exterior.
Sod’s blimmin law.
Definition of Clocking from urbandictionary.com:
“A highly effective means of pointing out hot members of the opposite sex to your associates (usually in public) without drawing undue attention to oneself…”
E.g. “Dude 11 o’clock, totally hot babe checking you out!”
Hi there Dear Reader!
I have to explain that I am writing this at 23:37 on Thursday night. I was just about to go to sleep in my extremely comfy and not at all sexy onesie when my friend Lauren sent me a Facebook link to a new app called Clocked.
Disclaimer – the following opinion on the Clocked app is supposed to be entertaining yet honest. This in no way should be taken as an endorsement or otherwise of the app or its users. If it works I will thank them at my wedding. If it doesn’t I will simply stay living with my parents for ever and ever and ever and ever…
Hope you had a truly splendid week. I hate to be one of those people but hasn’t January just flown by!
FYI, as well as people who state the obvious, the list of people I don’t like also includes noisy eaters, sniffers (dear Lord please blow your nose), and thin people. Not for any other reason than the fact that they are thin. Thin people who also eat hamburgers and moan about how they can’t put on wait – you guys are the worst! Continue reading
INT. A SITTING ROOM, TWO CHILDREN ARE SAT ON THE SOFA LOOKING INCREDIBLY BORED AND RUEING THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. (Much like you are right about now)
I will not continue this in script format mainly because I don’t know how to. I am, however, attending a script writing course tomorrow so you have that to look forward to next week.
All you need to know is that this is a continuation of Episode 1. I have been reading a lot of autobiographies recently (see pictures – links here). They all start with the same few chapters where the comedian/author/Nobel Peace Prize winner is living in some kind of loft struggling to make ends meet. No matter how tough the journey, the reader is safe in the knowledge that it all ends well and the person does achieve something otherwise they wouldn’t have written the book in the first place.
With the confidence and stupidity possessed only by myself and Katie Price, I have decided to write my autobiography before I actually achieve anything in the desperate hope that by the time I write the ending something fabulous will have happened. I only hope it doesn’t involve Celebrity Big Brother, plastic surgery or a bright pink horse trailer but you never know.
Happy New Year!!
I know, I know, it is practically February. My sincerest apollos (again) for the lack of post so far this year. I’m not very good at New Year’s Resolutions – clearly.
You have no idea of the strategic placing of friends it took to get this picture!
As much as I tried to muster up some enthusiasm for life last Friday I simply couldn’t. I’m sure you agree Dear Reader, that nothing can smack the Christmassy out of you like the first week back at work after the New Year. Well, that and the vague sensation that you ended up in Chinese Karaoke after the Christmas do. Continue reading
Because the star is in the Yeast!!
(ba dum dum chhhh!)
Whilst you are busy sewing your sides together after that hysterical joke – I am thrilled to announce that it has been listed in the top ten of the best (or worst) Christmas cracker jokes of 2014 by UKTV Gold! Continue reading
This is the full article I wrote for http://www.12Most.com. Original Article here
Republished with permission, courtesy of 12 Most. I’ve added the pictures.
Also – I Googled “Famous Single People” and it came back with Jesus, Oprah and Gwyneth.
It’s official: there are more single people than ever before, 124.6 million single Americans in August 2014. This is more than half of the adult population. The figures are similar here in the UK.
In spite of this, there are still a few of you happy couples who have yet to grasp the idea that we singletons are not a different species. The Takens, as I like to call them, often upset, embarrass or are just downright rude to us Singles simply because we have not yet found The One.
What they fail to realize is that we have found him or her but have then discovered that they are also The One With The Body Odor, The One with the Wife, or worse, The One With The Venereal Disease. Continue reading
The lovely people at www.12most.com have decided to print my little article.
Head on over and have a look! http://12most.com/2014/10/07/12-irritating-single-person/
I’ll reblog in full here in a few days.
General gist is – Don’t Call Me Bridget Jones!!
Ok this is me I know it. You know it. let’s just not talk about it.
(Oh and the picture is 2 years old but I haven’t been able to take a decent one since.)
Enjoy! Soph x