Hi there Dear Reader,
How’s it going?
mm hmm, really? wow! Thanks for the update.
If you can’t already tell by the previous sentence I may have gone a little mad.
Turns out I am not very good at multitasking, which is not ideal when I am combining a pretty stressful day job, ice-skating training (yes this is still happening), writing this little bubble of joy AND now writing for Time Out. You’d think I’d be so busy I wouldn’t have time to eat but somehow I have managed to maintain my cuddly exterior.
Sod’s blimmin law.
Hey there Dear Reader!
Something pretty great has happened to me this week and, just in case you were too distracted by Madonna taking a tumble, I will repeat it for you now.
I am officially a guest blogger for Time Out Manchester!!
I’ll give you a second to let this sink in. Continue reading
INT. A SITTING ROOM, TWO CHILDREN ARE SAT ON THE SOFA LOOKING INCREDIBLY BORED AND RUEING THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. (Much like you are right about now)
I will not continue this in script format mainly because I don’t know how to. I am, however, attending a script writing course tomorrow so you have that to look forward to next week.
All you need to know is that this is a continuation of Episode 1. I have been reading a lot of autobiographies recently (see pictures – links here). They all start with the same few chapters where the comedian/author/Nobel Peace Prize winner is living in some kind of loft struggling to make ends meet. No matter how tough the journey, the reader is safe in the knowledge that it all ends well and the person does achieve something otherwise they wouldn’t have written the book in the first place.
With the confidence and stupidity possessed only by myself and Katie Price, I have decided to write my autobiography before I actually achieve anything in the desperate hope that by the time I write the ending something fabulous will have happened. I only hope it doesn’t involve Celebrity Big Brother, plastic surgery or a bright pink horse trailer but you never know.
Happy New Year!!
I know, I know, it is practically February. My sincerest apollos (again) for the lack of post so far this year. I’m not very good at New Year’s Resolutions – clearly.
You have no idea of the strategic placing of friends it took to get this picture!
As much as I tried to muster up some enthusiasm for life last Friday I simply couldn’t. I’m sure you agree Dear Reader, that nothing can smack the Christmassy out of you like the first week back at work after the New Year. Well, that and the vague sensation that you ended up in Chinese Karaoke after the Christmas do. Continue reading
I am genuinely impressed with myself that I am dressed as I am writing this (sorry boys). Not only that but it is also mid-afternoon and I am 100% sober AND I have not had any chocolate today. I am sat eating a chunk of Christmas ham but in my defence, I cooked it and it is delicious!
Cooked like Nigella only without the heaving bosom and inappropriate licking of spoons.
In case you have been wondering where I have been hiding for the past week or so, I have managed to divide my time equally between the pub, the fridge and my bed so if you haven’t been in any of those places then chances are we have not crossed Christmassy paths.
Believe me – if someone had been in my fridge you guys would be the first to know!
Because the star is in the Yeast!!
(ba dum dum chhhh!)
Whilst you are busy sewing your sides together after that hysterical joke – I am thrilled to announce that it has been listed in the top ten of the best (or worst) Christmas cracker jokes of 2014 by UKTV Gold! Continue reading
Thank you for all your patience with me yelling at you about the UK Blog Awards. You’ll be pleased to know that voting has now closed so I cant harass you about it any more. Feel free to put away your stress balls and voodoo dolls in my image, I will be nice from now on I promise!
I did something very stupid today. At work we use statistics a lot to calculate people’s life expectancy. In a moment of sheer madness I decided to put in my own date of birth and see how long I have left to live.
If you ever feel tempted to do this, trust me. Don’t!
I’ve been very nice about this so far and if you have voted already I am eternally grateful! If you haven’t – today is the last day to vote for Sophie, She Wrote in UK Blog Awards. I will love you forever if you do. I will hold a grudge against you forever if you don’t.
They have had nearly 40,000 votes for 2000 entries. There is no way I can compete with that – but I am damn well going to try!
Please vote for my blog here